Counter INTUITive?

Last week I did time in the hospital having my left knee replaced, which doesn't have anything to do with this story, except to explain why I would do something as bizarre as actually shutting down my iMac. And for the second time in the hair over two years I've owned the iMac, shutting it down has caused it to fail---it's going to have to go into the shop and get a new power supply before it boots, and that won't be any time real soon, because of the aforementioned surgery: can't drive quite yet.

Not a big deal; I can function for quite a while on the laptop. Probably the biggest issue is financial---Quicken resides on the iMac and not on the iBook, having come with the G5. The actual files are backed up nicely on an external hard drive, but I can't read them without having Quicken installed.

The obvious solution is the one I choose: go to Intuit's website, order the 2007 edition of Quicken as a CD, snail mail, $10 extra for second day air. Maybe it's a manifestation of my dinosaur status, but I prefer the CD in hand to the licensed download as a software purchase method.

Today the package arrives. I open it and inspect the invoice: Quicken 2007 Mac CD Direct. Yep, that sounds right to me---just what I ordered. Pick up the disk, prepare to insert it in the disk tray of the iBook to install it, reading it in passing: Quicken, 2007 Basic, Windows XP/2000.

Argh.

Inspect the various instructions on the label. Sure enough, "Wrong Shipment - incorrect material received" is one of the categories listed. I check more closely to see what I'm expected to do: pack it up, ship it back, pay the postage myself.

That doesn't quite cut it. Let's try a bit of telephone contact before we go down that road.

Several telephone menus later, I'm connected with a customer service guy somewhere in the Middle East - to - India sector. To protect his identity, we'll call him Abu Dhabi.

I explain that my invoice says "Quicken/Mac" while the disk says "Quicken/Windows." Mr. Dhabi begs my patience while he looks up my order. "Yes," he agrees. "You ordered the Mac version. Is there anything else I can do to help you?"

I explain that yes, I meant to order the Mac version. However, that isn't what they shipped. What I have in my hand, accompanying that invoice, is a Windows disk, and that is a problem.

"Well," asks Abu, "Did you install it?" A deep breath later, I explain that one CANNOT install Windows software in a Mac OS environment.

"Oh," he says. "Please hold for two minutes while I find out what the best offer I can make is."

Best offer? I wait, wondering exactly when Mr. Dhabi confused himself with Howie Mandel. Two minutes later, he returns.

"I have my best offer here," he advised me cheerfully. "We can send you the disk you ordered."

I'm still contemplating that "best offer" concept, but the solution seems acceptable---it appears it will get what I've already paid for into my hands without my being expected to hobble to the post office with my walker to return at my expense their mistaken order. 'Twill do. But Abu is not done.

"Would you say that my customer service was okay?" he asked me.

"Sure, I suppose so," I responded, wondering where he's going with this.

"I need for you to stay on the line for a few minutes, then, to take a survey and confirm that my service has been Above and Beyond Expectation, please."

Above and beyond expectation, indeed.

My original expectation, of course, involved Intuit managing to ship to me what I ordered on the first try. That is already beyond help---and I freely admit, through no fault of Mr. Dhabi's. But having Intuit manage to send what I actually ordered on the second try isn't capable of being Above And Beyond Expectation. At best, it meets Minimal Expectation.

Above and Beyond Expectation? That would have required, I think, tossing in a free copy of QuickBooks. Or solving the problem the other way---by sending me a Windows computer for the software to be installed on.